Chapter 5 – Sloppy Agape
Since I graduated from college over ten years ago, I have made a concerted effort to keep myself in good shape. For many years I have followed a regimen that includes me doing several hundred push-ups every day and running 7 miles a day. My reasons for doing this were simple. I wanted to stay as “young” as I could and be able to enjoy my wife and sons well into my elderly years. Exercising is a good thing but it can have its negative side. For me, it came in the form of developing a superman mentality. I was in pretty good shape so I convinced myself that I could eat whatever I wanted.
My wife MyCresha, a registered nurse, warned me repeatedly that I should not just think that I could eat whatever I wanted. I would argue that I was thin, in good shape, and so I was healthy. She tried for years to convince me that I could not, in fact, eat whatever I wanted and be fine. I continued to exercise routinely but I also would buy a large stick of summer sausage, a bag of pepperoni, and a pound or two of pepper jack cheese every week. These all provided a rather heavenly bedtime snack. In addition to that, I ate a great deal of meat at every meal. I was burning so many calories through exercise, that I was sure that I was a well-oiled machine. To further bolster that image, I had in my head that my cholesterol level was only 121.
The problem is that I was self-deceived. That cholesterol test was taken when I was in college. I was in shape, muscularly, but that was not the whole story. I had come to the point, however, that I was not really listening to my wife. Even though she was a professional health care provider, I figured I knew my body, and I was quite healthy.
Then came my physical. I had avoided the doctor for quite a few years, figuring that I was so healthy that I didn’t need to see a doctor. Why waste my time with such trivial things? My wife made an appointment for me, however, and convinced me to go. I was shocked to learn that my cholesterol was now topping out at 206. I was stunned as I sat there listening to my doctor tell me that it wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t good either. I was going to have to change certain things. He told me I should stop drinking soda and coffee and begin exercising. I proudly told him that I never drank either beverage and reminded him of how much I was already exercising. This perplexed him a bit, but then he told me that some people are just prone to high cholesterol based on genetics.
This is when I quietly confessed that I like to eat meat and cheese. When he asked me how much meat and cheese we were talking about, I told him. His mouth fell open, then he finally collected himself and responded, “You just can’t do that, I mean, you just can’t do that.” He proceeded to recommend a new diet for me that was largely going to turn me into a vegan. Since that moment, I have been eager to take vitamins that promote lower cholesterol and change my diet (even though I have hated every meatless bit of it).
So what changed for me? Why didn’t I listen to my wife but I did listen to the doctor? It comes down to evidence. I was self-deluded, and saw myself as completely healthy. When my wife told me I needed to change, I disregarded her words because it did not match up with the image of myself that I had created in my own mind. Why do something as drastic as cutting out foods that I love when there is nothing wrong with me? That trip to the doctor’s office changed everything. The doctor showed me, in no uncertain terms, the symptoms of problems within my body. He held up the facts and convinced me that my self-image was wrong. I was not nearly as healthy as I wished I was. I was on my way to impending doom. Now that I was convinced something was wrong, I was more than ready to hear what I needed to do to fix it. Even though I didn’t necessarily like the things I had to do, they were inconsequential to me once I realized my true condition.
We have this same phenomenon going on in our culture today, and it has, I’m afraid, seeped into the worldview of far too many of our children. The American culture has created a false image of God, His love, His law, His grace, and the interaction between God and people. Teens are walking around our churches completely separated from God and are objects of His wrath. Rather than realizing that and quaking with the fear of God, however, most unbaptized teens walk around believing themselves to be fine. This is a clear result of three things. The first is the humanizing of God; the second is trivializing sin; the third is an incorrect understanding of God’s law and grace.
The Shrinking of God
Our culture today has become very good at shrinking God. With each passing day He gets smaller. We have defined God down in our culture to the point where He is barely holy anymore, if at all. Instead, we have created a politically correct God that loves everyone and because of that, He will apply near-universal forgiveness to everyone.
There are really two causes for this. The first is the post-modern re-definition of the word love. The biblical concept of our word love implies more of a loyalty to someone else than pure emotions. The love of God is perfect and pure, but inherent in God’s love are the ideas of justice and holiness. God cannot be in the presence of sin. Paul says that those who sin are objects of God’s wrath bringing down judgment on themselves (Romans 2:5). Our society, however, has nicely redefined the concept of love. In the post-modern worldview, tolerance is the greatest virtue of love. To love someone now means to accept and affirm someone fully for “who they are.” Love no longer involves telling someone the truth out of a loyalty to them and the laws of God. It now means accepting them fully in whatever lifestyle choices they make. Anything less is considered oppressive hate.
Armed with a new definition of love, our post-modern culture has now set their sights on God. The Bible tells us that God is love, so if we redefine what we mean by love, we are redefining God. Rather than a righteous and holy God that will not tolerate sin, we have a God that will accept nearly everything. We have fashioned a kinder, gentler, more tolerant God; one that accepts everything because of His unquestioned love for humanity. “He is all grace, so no grace is necessary. He is love without discrimination, mercy without law, power without intimidation, knowledge without conviction, truth without an attitude. He might even be a ‘she.’”
The second cause of the shrinking of God is that we have made Him more of a buddy than a holy and omnipotent God. No longer is God a being of immense power to be feared and awed. He is our pal. Most Christians today talk of God in a way that if He showed up in their presence, they would be totally at peace; like hanging out with an old friend. This is quite different than the biblical descriptions of those who came into the presence of God.
Cowering in fear is a more apt description of men who had a glimpse of the glory of God. Isaiah fell apart at the sight of God, crying out “Woe to me! I am ruined” (Isaiah 6:5). Ezekiel sat stunned and “overwhelmed” after seeing a vision from God (Ezekiel 3:15). Daniel was terrified and fell prostrate before a heavenly encounter and was exhausted and ill following (Daniel 8:17; 27). Belshazzar “face turned pale and he was so frightened that his knees knocked together and his legs gave way” (Daniel 5:6). After hearing from God, Job repented in “dust and ashes” (Job 42:6). The Roman guards at Jesus’ tomb “shook and became like dead men” (Matthew 28:4). The apostle John saw Jesus after His ascension and “fell at his feet though dead” (Revelation 1:17).
It is no small thing to come into the presence of God. No man can see God face to face and live. His glory is far more intense than any man can stand. We can apprehend but not comprehend an all-mighty and all-powerful God.
Rather than being given this picture of God, most teens think of God as much smaller than that. Our society no longer fears God. The Bible is clear that “God cannot be mocked” (Galatians 6:7), yet you wouldn’t know that by the attitude of most kids concerning God. The fear of God has not been discarded by our children, it has in most cases, not even been taught to them. Countless books on the shelves of Christian bookstores describe having a close and personal relationship with God, our best friend. The holiness of God is seldom discussed in our society anymore.
When God is more like us and less of who He really is, standards begin to diminish as well. Rather than a perfect and absolute standard of holiness to be chased after, God has been reduced to being like us. If there is no perfect standard then we cannot move closer to or farther from the truth. There can be no law or standards unless there is someone fit to make them. Without a right concept of God, sins become alternate choices and lifestyles and there is little to no incentive to change or aim higher. For those who do become Christians, a shrinking of God causes a lower level of commitment. Both the Christian and non-Christian began to judge themselves by those around them rather than by the standard of a perfect and holy God.
The Trivialization of Sin
The idea of sin has all but disappeared in our culture today. Sin is no longer talked about it, no longer feared; it is as if it barely existed anymore. Author Steve DeNeff says that it’s “Not because we have bettered ourselves, nor even because we have denied it, but because we have given it another name besides ‘sin,’ another meaning besides ‘rebellion,’ another perpetrator besides ‘self,’ another enemy besides God, and another cure besides ‘atonement.’”
Rather than blaming criminals for their acts, we blame society. A young man guns down someone in cold blood and it is blamed on the lack of basketball leagues. Riots are blamed on racial tension rather than immoral behavior. A mother coolly drowns her five children and is found not guilty.
Our society no longer likes the idea of sin. It means that God is better than we thought and we are worse than we would care to admit. When we realize that we are living below the standards of God’s holiness, we are left with two choices. We can either live up to that standard or we can lower the expectations.
DeNeff in his book, Whatever Became of Holiness, says that there are four methods through which our culture has defined down the concept of sin. The first is that we have diminished the holiness of God. The less we think of God, the higher opinion we have of ourselves. If God’s holiness is diminished, then our depravity is decreased exponentially. If God is not holy, though, we don’t really have to worry about things like sin, repentance, forgiveness, deliverance, or the need to change.
The second method is that of the vanishing conscience. People today no longer feel guilty because personal responsibility has been taken away. All of our problems can be blamed on genetics, psychology, or our parents. People no longer feel the shame of sin because it is always someone or something else’s fault. This leaves them dead in their sins because they never feel a reason to change.
The third method is the defining down of deviancy. Rather than sin being sin, we have neatly divided sin into the categories of sins, errors, and normal. As sins become more popular and accepted in our society, we move them down a category so that sins become errors and errors become normal behavior. DeNeff gives examples of this categorizing of sin:
Bad people swindle others out of money. Normal people don’t report all of their income, or they sue for more than damages.
Bad people get divorced. Normal people presume upon their marriages.
Bad unwed teenagers abort their babies. Normal ones proudly carry them to full term. Good ones put them up for adoption.
The final cause lies in the lap of the church. Most churches have shifted their focus from repentance to recruitment. Churches that focus on recruitment will make every effort to meet the felt needs of the community rather than dealing with sin and whether those needs are even righteous and should be met. They will talk about how to be happy and enjoy life rather than pleasing God and being holy. The Christian life will become confined to a couple of hours on Sunday morning.
Grace
The most often used term in the Bible in describing God’s love for us is agape. It signifies a deep, non-sexual affection. I have heard sermons on agape love since I was a small child. It is probably the first Greek word that I ever learned. I, in no way, intend to lessen or cheapen God’s love for us as his creation. I do, however, feel the need to address what I see as a major error made in most Christian circles that has negatively impacted our children.
The gist of the 2nd Commandment of God is to not create our own image of God. We should not invent our own God or our own, comfortable version of the God of the Bible. Despite that serious warning from God, we see different “versions” of God everywhere we look.
I cannot tell you how many young people I have talked to that admit that they have not lived their life to please God, yet they think they will go to heaven because God is so loving and forgiving. This is very serious delusion to fall into. As far as the eye can see our society is full of people under this delusion as well as people who were seemingly converted only to walk away from God. I believe that a large majority of these people got where they are because of a mistaken impression of God’s character. The Bible never says that God will let us into heaven because He loves us so much. The Bible never says all we have to do is ask God for forgiveness and He will do so. Why do so many people believe this then? One of the main reasons for this is the so-called church itself.
For the last one hundred years or better, most Christian churches have stopped preaching and talking about the fear of God and true repentance. They have gone to an approach of preaching love, love, love. The love of Christ is all you need and it covers all your problems. What is wrong with that you ask? In our Humanist dominated culture, love means something different than what it means in the passages in the Bible. In the Bible a big part of love is truth, justice, and commitment. Without truth, love becomes enablement. Without justice, love becomes disrespect. Without commitment, love becomes abuse.
The recent survey conducted with Christian youth indicated that 85% percent gave a “4” or “5” answer indicating strong agreement to the statement that “God will show His grace to the unsaved when they are judged.” The average score of all respondents was 4.2. This is a totally unbiblical and extremely dangerous belief that they have, one that comes straight out of our culture rather than the Word of God. In a similar vein, the average respondent score was 4.0, agreeing to the statement “It would be fair to say that the unsaved will be more affected by God’s love on judgment day than His wrath.” This belief too, goes clearly against Scripture.
Focusing on God’s love and grace with the non-Christian teen, however, is not only unbiblical, it is damaging. We tell kids that there is a God-shaped hole in their heart that only Christ can fix. They will never be happy without God. The problem is that approaching young people with all the wonderful things that being a Christian will do for them and how much God loves them is a big mistake in our culture of relativism, and utopianism. Believe me, the last thing we want is for kids to enter into a relationship with God because they think it will give them a better life. Allow me to share an example that I used to use with my young basketball players when I was coaching.
Imagine if one of them was getting ready to play some pick-up basketball at one of the parks near their house. As they prepared for the game, I convinced them to put on a bulletproof jacket to wear during their games. I tell them that it will improve their game and make for a much more enjoyable experience. So they put the jacket on hoping that it will be of benefit to them. They do not really understand the true purpose of the jacket but they put it on hoping that it is all I have cracked it up to be. Hey, maybe it will improve their game.
As they begin to play they notice that it is heavy and somewhat uncomfortable. They are not used to wearing it. The jacket slows them down and makes it quite difficult to shoot the way they used to. They also notice that everyone else is laughing at them. They are making fun of the fact that they are wearing this bizarre jacket and look different from everyone else. They try to persevere because I have promised them that this jacket would solve all of their problems. They figure that maybe they just put it on wrong. So they readjust it a little bit and continue playing. Now, on top of everything else they notice that wearing it makes them extremely hot. Finally, in disgust they rip it off and throw it to the ground. The other players give them a high five because they have finally come to their senses. They will walk away from that experience bitter towards the jacket and me. It will be a long time before they decide to ever put on that thing again.
Now imagine the same scenario with a few minor changes. Rather than telling the player all of the great things this bulletproof jacket will bring to them, I simply explain to them that about ten minutes into their game there will be a drive-by shooting. If they are not wearing this jacket, they will likely die. Out of fear and the wish to avoid this disaster they will put the jacket on. Once they fully understand the danger they are in, their perspective changes. With this knowledge their attitude towards the jacket will also change dramatically. They will not care if it is uncomfortable or hot. That’s not why they put it on. They will not even think about whether or not it improves their game. They are overwhelmingly grateful that this jacket has saved them from the coming tragedy. Other people mocking them or the fact that they look different will not even faze them. They have been saved. Their fear motivated them, which led them to a deep sense of gratitude, which in turn leads to a profound appreciation of the bullet proof jacket.
Many teens look to a relationship with God for what they can get out of it. Some are looking to fill the “god-shaped hole” in their life. Others are looking for God to be their best friend or the father they never had. Some are looking for peace and comfort. Some are hoping to replace the need for friends or to gain the admiration of the church in which they grew up. Still others are looking for the approval of their parents. They are, in short, looking for the fabled utopia.
We, as Christians, have fallen into this mistake. We draw people into our church and sincerely tell them how great the church is. We share with them what a family we are and how much we help one another. We even attract some to the hard work of discipleship because it fills the emptiness of their boring and empty life. We share with them the wonderful things God has done in our lives. He has saved our marriages, made us better parents, and blessed us in our careers. We show people how much God has blessed us and many of them want in. We inadvertently pass on this same attitude to the young people in our church. They want to know how they can get the same blessings, the same peace, the same joy, and the same stuff. These things are not bad but they can be a problem if these are the motivating factors in people coming to Christ.
The trouble comes when the inevitable struggles of life come. I see no promises in the Bible that our life here on earth as disciples will be peachy keen. All one would need to do is to ask the first century Christians, who were tortured and killed, if the disciple’s life was so perfect. Listen to Paul’s description of his life as a disciple from II Corinthians 11:23-27:
I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move, I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.
Jesus warned his followers that following him meant persecution and picking up our cross daily. We were called to sacrifice our own desires not look to fulfill them through a life in Christ.
The roadside of the past is littered with people who went into discipleship looking to see what they could get out of it. Once they realize that the Christian life does not guarantee blue skies, rainbows and perfect friendships. It doesn’t guarantee that they will do well on every test when they pray for God’s help, or never again be tempted to sin. The only thing that is guaranteed is that if this is their motivation they will get disillusioned. Like the example with the bulletproof jacket, they rip off their new Christian lifestyle in disgust because it did not live up to the vision of blissful utopia that they had imagined. Many of us have been unwittingly influenced by the Humanist view of utopia on earth and so we come into the church looking to find it and unwittingly pass this hope on to our children. Once people come to terms with the fact that life in Christ does not offer utopia here on earth, they become disillusioned.
In the second scenario of the bulletproof jacket, the young man who first came to terms with his impending doom had a different motivation and a different perspective. It is vital that in order to fully appreciate these “benefits” that come from being a part of the Kingdom of God that our motivation is correct. If we go looking for happiness, we will not find it on this earth. If we go looking for truth, we will eventually find truth and happiness. When you truly understand the wrath of God and the fact that he is angry about sin and will punish those who sin, then you have a real appreciation for the reality of this life. When you understand what God has saved you from, you will not care about the things this world has to offer. Anything you get here on earth is gravy.
As stated earlier, the problem with using love as the great motivator to God is that people have a distorted image of what love is. For the majority of our society, love means helping someone in any way possible and not letting any harm come to them. They then throw this perception on to God and in effect create their own version of God. Our society has created a god who is so “loving” that he will not send anyone to hell. He wants only the best for us and will provide all the best things for his children. He will accept us just as we are because he is loving and forgiving. This way we do not really have to change; God’s love is all we need. They have turned God into a big sappy god, and transformed his wonderful love into a sloppy agape.
People count on the fact that God is good and loving to get them out of going to hell; even though they have chosen hell by the way they have lived their lives. Imagine a referee in a basketball game who intentionally let people commit fouls and did not penalize them because who knew that they were good people at heart and didn’t mean it. Or imagine a judge who did not punish someone convicted of murder because they said they were sorry. These men would be fired and no one would think they were very professional or good at what they did. God is a perfect judge and he must punish sin. People are banking on God’s goodness to save them, yet sadly it is that very goodness that will convict them. If God does not punish sin he ceases to be good.
A recent conversation I had with a young person demonstrates the dangers of a misconception of God. This young lady that we will call Catrina seemed to understand that she had broken God’s law and that God would find her guilty of this. For some reason, though, there seemed to be something hindering her. I was confused because I could not understand how someone could admit that they would be found guilty by God and be in very real danger of going to hell, and yet not want to do everything in their power to change their situation.
As we began to talk further, the problem finally came out. It seems that earlier in her life Catrina had made a serious attempt to get close to God. Her grandmother, who had basically raised her, was quite ill while she was still a teenager. She occasionally attended her grandmother’s church and went there seeking comfort from God. She was given the impression that it was God’s will for everyone to be totally happy on earth and that He would give us whatever we asked for if we asked with an unselfish heart. He told her that all she had to do was pray and God would answer her. This sent her soul soaring. She now had hope. She began to pray that God would heal her grandmother and make everything better. Her motivation to come to God was what he would do for the family. I know a lot of Christians who would see no problem with that. It does not matter how you get there, as long as you get there, right? After a short time, Catrina’s grandmother died. She was devastated and she was angry with God. She had been promised that this God of love would make everything better and he had not. This left Catrina with two options, in her mind. Either God was cruel and did not truly care about us or He did not exist.
How sad. I believe that Catrina would have felt very differently had she been presented with a clearer picture of God. Catrina needs to come to God because she needs to be saved from the coming judgment not because God will do stuff for us. If she truly understood that God was angry with her and that she needed to repent, her perspective would change. Then she would, I believe, begin to see that God owes us nothing beyond salvation. That is all we really need, we do not need other blessings. Unfortunately, it was a pastor who gave her the wrong impression of God.
It will be very difficult for these people who have bought into the sloppy agape version of God or who have been given the wrong motivation to find God to view Him with the proper perspective because we have given them the impression that the life of a disciple is without the problems that normal people face.
The things of the world can be fun, let’s just admit it. They are only temporary, true, but they sure can be enticing. Not everyone who is not a disciple is walking around miserable and lonely. They have been so deceived by Satan that they think everything is fine. These are the people who have the comfortable life, the decent marriage, and they feel happy. Or they are the teens that have popularity and seemingly everything else going for them. Ignorance can be bliss. They have no need, in their view of the world, for the things of God.
When we attempt to draw people to the Kingdom of God with promises of love and happiness, then we are creating an additional twofold problem for ourselves. We set up a situation in which we are trying to compete with the world on their level and we are limiting the people that will be attracted to God’s Kingdom.
Competing with the world on their level cannot be done. It is fruitless. We cannot do this on the adult level and it is even more fruitless on the teen level. We should stop trying to make church fun all the time. I am not saying that having fun is bad or wrong but it cannot be what we use to draw people to God. The youth group or church simply cannot compete with the world on a “fun” level. We fool ourselves if we try. There is nothing more ineffective than to attempt to attract non-believer to the church with methods that appeal to the flesh and then bait-and-switch them over to spiritual things. Attracting people to God through physical and earthly happiness is to do just that, though.
The same is true for kids who have grown up in the church. We spend 15 years trying to convince our kids that God’s Kingdom is better and even more enjoyable than the world. While that is true, I believe it takes a while to get to that level. The ability to truly enjoy many of the fruits of the Kingdom of God requires the proper motives in entering it. This is related to the last issue talked about above. What happens, though, is that when the kids hit those teenage years they start to see that their friends can go to parties, and have boyfriends and girlfriends, and live a lifestyle that they cannot. If they have not yet grasped how to think Biblically, the ways of the world will look much better than being a disciple. The rough parts of being a disciple are always on display for them, while often the best parts are internal and hard for kids to understand. Then they begin to think that something is wrong with. They begin to think that they are just not wired to have an intimate relationship with God the way everyone else is.
If our kids have the proper motivation, however, they will have a whole different perspective on the competing lifestyle that the world is offering. If they see themselves as nothing but pure sinners who have angered God and are heading for a very real judgment, they will have a lasting motivation to cling to God and avoid the things of the world.
When happiness, fulfillment, and love are the main draws to God we limit our message to those who are depressed, unhappy, or those who just happen to be looking for something. This message is not very effective for those who are comfortable with their life. If God is only about what he can do for you, then why do they need that? They are just fine. What do we do with these people? Do we just focus on building long-term relationships and hope that God will humble them? Not everyone is searching to fill a hole in their life. If these people can see that they are building up the wrath of God towards themselves, then they will begin see their need for God.
Let’s apply this specifically to teens. How do you draw to God the teen that is happy, popular, and has a full and busy life? It is difficult to convince them that they really need God’s love in their life. This is true even for kids who grew up in the church. They need to understand the fear of God in order to be properly motivated to seek His face.
The kids who have grown up in the church have also fallen for this sloppy agape version of God. What happens for them is the same as for an unchurched individual. They believe that in the end God will accept them because he loves him. They believe they have plenty of time. They do not understand that God will allow them to spit in his face for only so long. His patience is great but it will expire. In surveying teens whose parents are disciples but who had not yet chosen that path, every single one of them responded that the reason that they are not yet disciples is because they are just not ready yet. The person who gives that answer is a person who does not fear God. They think they have all the time in the world. If they understood the truth of their situation they would not think that way. This is a person who has bought into the big pushover, sloppy agape version of God.
Many parents in the church will explain this away saying something like; “Well it’s okay if they’re not ready yet. No one said they have to be baptized by the time they are thirteen. We just have to wait for God’s timing.” To be honest, this is something we tell ourselves to make us feel better. If a child is well into his teen years and is rejecting God then something is wrong with the way they are thinking about God. (I am not in any way implying that this is the fault of the parent or that they should somehow be held accountable. Nor am I suggesting that these teens should be treated poorly or ostracized.) Martin Luther said that all sin comes from thinking wrong about God, and he was correct in that assessment. Waiting for the teen boy or girl to see how much God loves them is a huge gamble. Chances are pretty good that the Humanist and worldly brainwashing have begun to have an effect. It’s similar to Alzheimer’s. It starts slowly but once it gets going the effects can be devastating. If your child is in this situation my advice would be to not wait another minute. Talk to them. Get a feel for how they truly think about things. What is their worldview? Then you can begin the long slow process of deprogramming and retraining. For starters, though, confront these kids in a gentle but truthful way with the accurate picture of themselves as sinners and of a God who hates sin and will punish it. Let’s not forget that a huge aspect of love is truth.
So how do we confront the young people in our churches with an accurate view of themselves? The clear biblical answer is that the grace of God is not the way to do it. It is, rather, the law of God that will lead them unto righteousness.
Why not grace, you might ask? Isn’t the Bible full of God’s grace? Yes and no. Many people confuse grace with mercy and this leads to problems. Mercy is the compassionate treatment of others, especially those under one’s power. Grace is a favor or kindness given by one who doesn’t need to do so. God continually shows mercy to the unrepentant and non-believers throughout the pages of the Bible. Grace, however, is only for the repentant. Grace is for believers.
There is no biblical example of grace being shown to a non-believer. Unsaved people in our world today, including young people, should not think that they have access to God’s grace, yet that is exactly what most people believe. Grace is for Christians. The unsaved will be met with God’s wrath, not His grace.
Not only is the message or concept of God’s grace never offered to unbelievers, the Bible actually warns quite strongly against the concept. Let’s look at an example.
In the Gospel of John, chapter 13, we find an important detail of the Last Supper which is not mentioned in the accounts of the Synoptic Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke). According to John’s account Jesus finished the meal, wrapped a towel around His waist, and began washing the feet of the disciples in a basin. After He washed their feet, he dried them with the towel.
Peter resisted this act of Christ humbling Himself, but withdrew his objection when Jesus told him plainly, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
Upon finishing, Jesus asked if they understood what He had done for them. He explained that He wanted them to follow His example. “Do you understand what I have done for you? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” (John 13:12-17).
The more recent understanding of this act of Jesus is that it had to do with Jesus demonstrating humility and the heart to serve for His disciples. Is it possible, though, that this act of service of Jesus was much more than a lesson in humility? It is important to remember that Jesus performed this ceremony during the Last Supper from which we get our communion ceremony. John seems to have been aware of the accounts from the Synoptic Gospels and wanted to add information that was not included, rather than repeating the truths they had already laid out. In washing the feet of His disciples, Jesus was also linking the act of the Lord’s Supper with the concept of the spiritual cleansing that Christ offers to those who accept His atoning sacrifice for their sins by taking part in communion.
We see this meaning implied in Jesus’ response to Peter, who asks to be washed all over rather than having no part with Christ. Jesus responded, “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean. . .” (John 13:10). A person who is bathed is clean, but walking on dusty roads caused open-sandaled feet soon to become dusty and in need of washing again. Similarly, the disciples were clean (John 13:10) because their sins had been washed away. As they went about through the walk of everyday life, however, they walked on the dusty ground of sin. They needed Christ’s grace to cleanse their hearts again from sins like selfishness and pride, just as we do.
So, is communion simply a time to remember what Christ did for us, a time for self-examination, and a look ahead to the promise of Christ’s return? These are definitely aspects of communion. But is there more to it than that? The early church believed so. They took communion very seriously. They took communion every time they met together and did not allow non-believers to even be present during the Lord’s Supper. By the third century, it was nearly two years before a new convert was allowed to partake in the Lord’s Supper. They also believed that communion was a sacred time when the continued regenerating grace of the Holy Spirit was administered by the church for the church.
This is where the foot washing symbolism of Jesus comes in. Christ was not only giving an example of humility and service, but more importantly He was teaching His disciples that once we are saved we do not need a bath, we simply need a foot washing. In other words, we don’t need to be re-baptized every time we sin but we do need to partake of God’s ongoing and cleansing grace.
Communion, then, is far more than a mere ceremony of remembrance, but is a time when the cleansing grace of Christ flows upon us through the work of the Holy Spirit. This is why it is a time to examine ourselves and confess our sins before God. Communion is a vital sacrament in the ongoing grace of the Triune God.
With this understanding, let’s look at Paul’s words regarding communion in 1 Corinthians 11:27-29. He says, “Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself.”
Paul takes a very dim view of people attempting to access God’s grace, who are not in covenant with Him. He calls it “sinning” and says that they bring “judgment” on themselves. Grace is given by God on His terms, period. People who have not been offered God’s grace yet attempt to seize it, bring God’s wrath and judgment on themselves. The unsaved teen who believes that God will offer them grace if they die in their sins is sadly mistaken. The teen that thinks that they can wait and turn to God whenever they so choose are playing a dangerous game because they do not fear God and they have perverted His mercy and grace.
Law
There is a lot of confusion among your average Christian about God’s law. What is it for? Does it apply to us? Before we begin let me explain briefly the types of law. Most Biblical experts agree that there are three types of law found in the Old Testament: moral law, civil law, and ceremonial law. Equally agreed upon by most experts is the fact that the moral law does still apply to us today. Jesus, himself, said that he did not come to change the law but to fulfill it. (Matthew 5:17-19) The moral law is transcendent. The other two types are no longer binding. For the purposes of this section, when I refer to law, I will be referring to the moral law and more specifically to the Ten Commandments.
First let’s quickly examine what the law is not. The law does not justify or save us. (Romans 3:20, Galatians 2:16, Galatians 3:1-14). Following and observing the Ten Commandments will not make us righteous nor will it get anyone to heaven. The law, then, is not for those seeking to be saved, as they are justified by God’s grace not the law. (Romans 6:14) Those who are already saved are not under the law either; rather we are to be ruled by love. (Romans 13:10) This is what Jesus meant when he said that he came to fulfill the law. His grace and love rendered the law moot for those seeking to be justified or for those already justified.
The question arises, then, for what do we need the law today? Paul gives us the answer to that. Paul reminds us that the law is holy (Romans 7:12), it is spiritual (Romans 7:14), and it embodies knowledge and truth (Romans 2:20). He also says that the law is good if it is used in a lawful manner. What is that lawful manner?
Psalm 19:7 tells us that the law is perfect in converting the soul. The law is for sinners (I Timothy 1:9). Paul tells us that without the law we would not know what sin is (Romans 7:7-8). The law defines for us what sin is. John further explained, telling us that breaking the law is, in fact, sin (I John 3:14). Romans 3:20 states that we don’t become righteous by following the law, rather the law makes us aware of our sin. The law acts as our mirror, showing us where we truly stand in the sight of God. The law shows us why we need God. We have broken His law and fall short of God’s glory (Romans 3:23). The law acts as our schoolmaster, instructing us as to our true nature (Galatians 3:24).
Just as I was ready to correct the way I was eating when I understood the true status of my health, people are far more likely to correct their situation with God when they understand that they are under His wrath and not His grace (Romans 2:5). The law shows us clearly the disease that we have. Most Christians I know that have been disciples for a while relay that what really woke them up to their need for God was good old fashioned fear of the wrath of God. This was the initiator that brought them into the love of God. The fear must come first in order to have a proper perspective. The Bible tells us that the fear of God is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom (Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 9;10). I have yet to find a verse that says that the love of God is the beginning of wisdom. Fear can be a good thing. I am disturbed by how many churches these days seem to want to cover up the whole concept of the fear of God. They want to stress God’s grace and love. Grace and love without the preceding proper amount of fear produces a dangerous harvest.
We must help our kids to see that if they sin, it is not okay. Too many of our kids think that if they have good intentions and mean well then, everything is fine. They must be made aware, in no uncertain terms, that God is angered by sin. When we break one part of the law, we break all of the law (James 2:10-11). The law brings the wrath of God (Romans 4:15), because we have all broken it. God will unleash his wrath on those who have chosen to reject the truth and break the law (Romans 2:5-9). The scary part is that we have a bunch of kids in our churches who are standing on the tracks and do not want to believe that the train is coming.
There is one other dangerous mindset when it comes to sin that must be discussed here. I have recently spent a fair amount of time looking around MySpace at the sites of different teen and college students who are part of or have grown up in the church. In doing this, I have discovered a disturbing mindset among the young people who have not chosen to live the life of a disciple. They seem to be under the impression that their sin is actually a good thing. Any troubles or trials they go through are seen not as a negative result of sin, but as a positive experience that God wants them to go through. After talking to several young people about this mindset, it became clearer to me. They justify but arguing that most of the adults in the church went through hard times and lived very sinful lifestyles and that God used that to teach them lessons and make them who they are today. They argue that they will never be who God wants them to be one day, if they do not experience a certain amount of sin and “fun”. While it is true that God will work in our lives and through our circumstances, it is a fatal flaw in thinking to believe that this is somehow God’s will for everyone.
What these young people need to have explained to them is that this line of thinking is incredibly dangerous. The fact is that I did live a sinful lifestyle before I became a Christian. What is also true, however, is that these sins did not help make me who I am, rather they kept me from being who God intended me to be. My life of sin had terrible consequences. I hurt people. I damaged people’s lives. There are things that I did and experienced, that continue to have repercussions in my life and my marriage to this day. This is true for everyone. Sins don’t make us who we are, they make us God’s enemies and build up His wrath towards us (Romans 2:5-6).
Using the Ten Commandments
Young people need to be aware of precisely how their lives match up with the standard of God as given in the Ten Commandments. When asked if they considered themselves to be “a good person,” every single non-Christian teen surveyed said that they did consider themselves to be a good person. This is what happens when we judge ourselves according to the standards of other people rather than God’s law. When compared to God’s glory, we all fall far short (Romans 3:23). The Bible tells us that it is our duty to follow God’s commandments because we will be judged by them (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14). The only thing that will keep us from being judged by God’s law is to clothe ourselves with Christ and be judged by grace (Romans 6:14).
Here is a helpful paraphrase of the Ten Commandments (in the Hebrew, the word is actually words or utterances rather than commandments) that I use to help young people understand God’s standard for them.
1. Don’t have other gods in my face
The question here is simple: Has God always been first in your life? Has every decision you ever made been filtered through your biblical glasses? Have you always done things God’s way. When we put anything ahead of God in importance we have violated this word from God. What is the primary other god in our life? It is none other than us. Since the Garden of Eden the human race has been attempting to set ourselves up as our own gods and do things our way rather than God’s.
2. Don’t make a representative image of anything that will take the place in your life that should be reserved for God
Here we see a similar concept to the first commandment, so we know that it must be important to God. We are not to take or make things and worship them. Only God is to be worshiped. To worship something means we give it our love and devotion. This would include money, sports, other people, etc. A real danger here is to create our own version of God. We see people in our culture do this all the time. They say things like, “My God would never send people to hell for a few mistakes,” or “the God I worship values only love and if two people really love each other, that’s all that matters.” What people do when they make these statements and statements like them is to create their own version of God separate from the one true God that has revealed Himself through His Word. This is a violation of the second word.
3. Do not carry the name of Yahweh your God in an empty or worthless manner
This word is usually reduced to not using God’s name as a curse word, yet it means so much more than that. The word nasa is translated “take” in the KJV and “misuse” in the NIV. It really means to carry or bear in an exalted manner. In other words, we are to be bearers of God’s name. We are to be His ambassadors and representatives. When we fail to do that we drag God’s name through the mud rather than exalt it. When we think in an ungodly manner or act in an ungodly way, we fail to carry the name of God well. This is a violation of the reason and purpose for which we were made.
4. Remember to keep the Sabbath set apart
What about keeping the Sabbath day set apart? Are we still obligated to uphold this part of the law? The view of the early church was that Christians are not obligated to observe the Sabbath as the Jews did. They believed that Christians were to set apart every single day for honoring God with their work and actions. This means that the person who does not honor Jesus Christ with every part of their life, everyday of the week, violates this word from God.
5. Show respect for your mother and father
God has set up the institution of the family and given authority to parents to fulfill His purposes for mankind. Our parents are called to follow God’s laws. Children, then, are called to obey parents as the direct representatives of God’s authority in their lives. A quick note to parents here; when we fail to set up a godly household and set a biblical example we are, in essence, violating our part of this word. Children are called, however, to respect the authority of their parents. The only exception to this is if the parent is asking them to do something that clearly goes against God’s word.
6. Don’t kill
When asked if they have violated this word, most people smile thinking they are safe. They have finally gotten down to one of these that they haven’t broken. What they don’t realize, however, is that Jesus said that when we hate another person we have already violated this word (Matthew 5:21-22). Why is that? It is because, the heart and mental actions behind hatred are the identical heart and mental actions behind murder. Jesus’ standard is that what goes on in the mind is just as important as what goes on in the physical world.
7. Don’t commit adultery
This is another one that causes people to think they are safe at first. Jesus, however, applied the level of the heart to this word as well. He said that one who even looked with lust violated this word (Matthew 5:27-28). Looking at another person with lust in your heart comes from the same mental and heart actions from which adultery comes.
8. Don’t steal
This word is pretty straightforward, and yet nearly everyone has broken it. It doesn’t matter how tiny or insignificant is the item that was taken. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. If I steal $1,000 out of your wallet, am I a thief? If I steal $1 out of your wallet, am I thief? It doesn’t matter how small the item, theft is theft.
9. Don’t lie
I have asked hundreds of people how they stack up against the Ten Commandments. I usually only need to ask them about three or four and they get quickly get the picture. I always start with this one. I have yet to meet a human being who even tries to claim that they have not broken this word. Everybody has lied and they know. The key here is to help people see that if they have told even one lie they are a liar. It takes only one murder to be a murderer. It takes only one lie to be a liar.
10. Don’t desire other people’s stuff
God wants us to stay away from coveting and desiring what other people have. Why? It is because it leads to many other sins and causes us so much unhappiness.
The reason to confront young people with these ten words from God is that it is biblical. Jesus never talked to any unbeliever about how much God loves them or what a wonderful plan He has for their lives. He confronted them with God’s standards of living and their own sin (John 4:17; Matthew 19:18-21). Paul said that the law was a schoolmaster that was designed to be a mirror to lead us to Christ by showing us how far from God’s glory we really are (Galatians 3:24). Once a young person truly understands their failure to meet God’s standards, and has a proper fear of God, they will be ready to see things as they really are. It is not until these things are seen as God sees them, and one understands that they are an object of God’s wrath that they can truly turn to God in repentance.
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